And just like that

And just like that, we are almost at the one year mark for our little man (12 days and counting). How a year has been and gone already is beyond me. It feels like yesterday we were exciting waiting to meet him and yet he feels like he’s always been here. How easily he has slotted into our life, bringing so much joy with every milestone.

Everyone says the days are long but the years are short, and yes the years (at least this first one) has flown at record speed but the days, the sweet days are not long enough! Repetitive, maybe - feed, sleep, nappies repeat but I would argue the days are not long at all. They are slow, filled with pockets of complete joy as Stone discovers something new or giggles at something for the first time. The never-ending rocking as he drifts off to sleep, sometimes fighting it with all he has but usually not winning. The rush to get the house tidied while he’s down in a time frame you have no control over (15 minutes or three hours - who knows!). The frustration when they just want to be held and you just want to cook dinner but then reminding yourself that one day they won’t want to be held anymore. One day they will be off, living their own life and you’ll miss this small body resting on your hip. Or the way his hand searches for my nose for comfort as he drifts off to sleep. These small acts, that can irritate you to know end in the moment, are so precious and we don’t even know that they are.

Time is a thief! And everyday it is stealing moments from me, from us. But I am so lucky and grateful to have just that - time. Time to stop, and just be with him. The dishes will still be there tomorrow, the laundry will never not need to be done and everything in-between that we deem important can be placed on hold, because these mundane, everyday moments can never come back.

One whole year of being completely present. Of discovering the world all over again through him. Of watching the man you love raise the boy who has stolen your heart. A season where you are separated and yet closer than ever. It’s this push and pull of what you think “should” be done and what actually feels so unbelievably natural that you do.

Learning to listen to yourself, your body and your instinct. This is what we were born to do and yet it can feel so unnatural for so many people. Because we are so disconnected with ourselves.

And so, our first year as a family comes to an end. It’s bittersweet, the joy and excitement for the future of Stone mixed with the heart wrenching sadness that already a year has gone. Desperately wanting to pause time, in this moment forever but knowing that there is so much more to come. Once again I strive to be more consistent here and yet I know there is no chance of that! So, until next time, whenever that is x